Down Syndrome – Five Things You Should Know About Down Syndrome and Sexuality

You may be surprised to find an article on Down syndrome and sexuality as few doctors bring this up and it is not often included in the typical prognosis and diagnosis of Down syndrome. You shouldn’t be surprised, however.

Common perceptions are that people with disabilities do not have either interest or ability for the adult relationships the rest of us take for granted. This is, however, completely false.

People with Down syndrome go through puberty just like everyone else, and they have the same feelings and desires as everyone else. This is nothing to be afraid of, however. With a little education tailored to their particular needs, adults with Down syndrome can learn to be smart about their sexuality and learn how to minimize the risk of dangerous situations.

1. Sexuality is a Part of Everyone’s Life

When we talk about sexuality and Down syndrome, we are not just talking about teenagers and adults. All humans go through many different stages of sexual development, starting when they are babies.

The first stage is to develop emotional bonds with parents and family members. School age kids deal with the beginnings of modesty and the desire for privacy. Of course, adolescents enter puberty and start feeling sexual desire. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but proper education needs to be given to teenagers with Down syndrome to make sure they know how to handle these feelings in an appropriate way.

2. The Decline of Institutionalization Led to More Opportunities for People with Down Syndrome

Up until the 1960s and 1970s, people with Down syndrome were most often institutionalized in single sex buildings, and did not have much opportunity to interact with the opposite sex at all. Now, people with Down syndrome have independence and opportunities available to them, and it only follows that they should also want what is available to all other members of society – the right to develop and pursue meaningful relationships.

3. Additional Difficulties Exist for People with Down Syndrome in Relation to Sexuality

There are, of course, added difficulties when we talk about people with Down syndrome and sexuality. It is probably obvious that there is a lot more prejudice towards people with Down syndrome who engage in sexual behavior.

Parents have a lot more anxiety about it, too. There is good reason for this anxiety, unfortunately. People with Down syndrome have cognitive deficits that make them more likely to be a victim to sexual abuse, unwanted pregnancies, or sexually transmitted diseases. Women especially are vulnerable to issues of abuse and exploitation. They may not know the difference between “good touch” and “bad touch”. They may not know how to say no if something is making them uncomfortable. They may be lonely and willing to put up with inappropriate behavior in order to get attention.

The isolation and issues with communication that many with Down syndrome face may make it harder for them to access sources of support that will help them make decisions that are right for them.

4. There Are Ways to Prevent Exploitation and Abuse

The best way to help young people with Down syndrome be smart about their sexuality is to start educating them when they are still young. Sexual education for kids with Down syndrome should start in junior high, and should focus on personal safety.

Kids should be taught the difference between good touch and bad touch, and how to “just say no” to advances or touching they don’t want. A concept called “Circles” can be used for older or more cognitively advanced kids. Circles represent different levels of personal relationship and intimacy. Students learn what the appropriate touching behaviors are for each level. They then learn that sometimes a friend might want to be closer than they want, in which case they have to tell them very clearly “STOP.”

Sex education should be individualized for each student with Down syndrome depending on their ability to understand the material. It is important, however, to cover all the things that would normally be covered in sex ed, because chances are, teenagers with Down syndrome will need to know these things sooner rather than later, in order to keep themselves safe.

The more you talk openly and honestly with your Down syndrome teenager or young adult about sexuality, the safer they will be. The more they understand, the better you will both feel about this aspect of their lives.

Dating is also something that teenagers with Down syndrome will often want to try out for themselves. There are certain social skills required to be able to date, and these skills can be taught if needed.

5. People with Down Syndrome Can Get Married.

Marriage is by no means common for people with Down syndrome, but it is still growing increasingly more common. Many scoff at the idea, and wonder how two people who still need aides to function in the world could live together and manage household tasks, but it can be done.

The Wall Street Journal did an article addressing some of the issues in marriages with Down syndrome.

“There is a growing sense of the need to catch up, with junior highs and high schools starting to offer sex-education and social skills courses tailored to teens with Down syndrome and other cognitive disabilities. “There is no reason to think that they have a different libido,” says William I. Cohen, who runs the Down syndrome Center of Western Pennsylvania at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. “They want what we all want: friendship, companionship, love.” (“A Young Woman Plans Her Wedding,” Amy Marcus, Wall Street Journal, October 2005)

Marcus also reports on a discussion one young woman with Down syndrome had with her mother on her upcoming marriage to another young man with Down syndrome:

“At one point, she raised the issue with her daughter: Didn’t she worry that after they married, Ms. Bergeron might have to take care of Mr. Desai?

“Don’t you take care of Daddy? Doesn’t Sujeet’s mother take care of her husband? Isn’t that what wives do?” her mother says Ms. Bergeron responded. “She put me in my place,” Mrs. Bergeron said. “I backed off.”

Fertility Issues

Most males with Down syndrome are infertile (although not all). Most females have reduced fertility but are still quite fertile. It will be important to teach the couple about how to use birth control responsibly.

Romantic love and relationships can be a wonderful thing. There is no reason why people with Down syndrome should have to miss out on one of life’s biggest perks, especially when they are biologically and psychologically capable of it. You just need to take some extra precautions to make sure your loved one with Down syndrome is prepared by educating them on sexuality and for all that this might entail.

Can a Sex Instructional Video Help Improve Your Love Life?

Whether you’re young or old, rich or poor, sex is probably one of the most talked about, if not controversial, topics in the whole world. Everyone needs sex, not just for procreation, but for pleasure and strengthening of a relationship as well. You can’t talk about romantic love without including sex in the equation so if you’re currently in a relationship and you want to make your love story last, you should definitely start working on your sex life. But how do you start? Though you’ll find a lot of great ideas online on how you can spice up your love life, there is really only one way that can help you take your sex life up a notch. Want to know what a sex instructional video can do for your relationship? Then don’t hesitate to read on.

Assuming that you and your lover both have open minds towards this subject, a sex instructional video can do wonders for your relationship. But do bear in mind that this option isn’t for everyone. If you’ve just started dating, make sure to have an open discussion with your partner on how he or she feels about using this sort of videos. This way, you’ll be able to avoid causing offense or any awkward moments that may lead to future misunderstandings in the relationship.

Helps You Become A Better Lover

Sure a sex instructional video may not be a necessity in making a relationship work, but it can help you make it stronger. A sex instructional video can help you become a better lover as it can provide you with tips and techniques that will make every sexual encounter worthy to be remembered. From oral techniques to different sex positions, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself as the ultimate lover once you’re done watching the video.

Allows You To Open Your Line Of Communication

Another benefit that you can get from incorporating the sex instructional video into your bedroom routine is that you’ll get a much more open communication line between you and your partner. Just by watching the video together, you’ll feel much more comfortable expressing what you want sexually and your partner will be more open to tell you what he or she would like to try out. When used properly, a sex instructional video will be able to help you form a stronger bond emotionally and physically.

If you’re interested in purchasing sex instructional videos, there are a number of ways that you can easily get your hands on them. First off, check out what your local adult bookstores or sex shops have on offer. Although these shops usually have an extensive line up of different adult videos that you can choose from, make sure that you choose a sex instructional video and not just a porn flick. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of visiting these shops or you just don’t have the time, start your search online instead. The great thing about purchasing online is that you not only have access to a wide array of different titles, but you’ll also get to shop anonymously.

Body Memories and Sexual Abuse

What are “Body-Memories”?

According to Bessel A. Van der Kolk, Harvard Review of Psychiatry, Jan. 1994, “Ever since people’s responses to overwhelming experiences have been systematically explored, researchers have noted that a trauma is stored in somatic memory and expressed as changes in the biological stress response.”

What does this mean?

Well, it means that sexual abuse is a traumatic experience and that the memory of it can be stored in your physical body. This can be true even if you have no conscious recollection of the abuse.

Some physical symptoms or body-memories that women exhibit are:

-painful sexual intercourse


-chronic pelvic pain

-frequent headaches


-TMJ (possibly from past oral sexual abuse)


-gynecological disorders etc.

Dr. Edward Walker, MD of the University of Washington, published an article in Jan., 1988 in the American Journal of Psychiatry which explored the relationship between chronic pelvic pain and child sexual abuse.

Basically, the article showed that out of 55 women undergoing exploratory laparoscopies for specific pathologies, 25 with chronic pelvic pain had similar types and levels of pathologies as the 30 women in a control group who did not have chronic pain., however, they had doubled the incidence of remembered sexual abuse in their histories (64% as opposed to 23% for the control group) and higher rate of sexual dysfunction and depression.

Heller and Heller (2001) believe that when the “trauma energy” from abuse can not be “released”, it is then “converted into symptoms.”

Many women have had countless gynecological procedures performed in search of the cause for their pain, or body-memories, and finally ended up with hysterectomies without finding an underlying physical cause.

Unfortunately, many times, even after the hysterectomy, the pain, or body-memories, remained, especially if they were not actively in recovery or denying their own sexual abuse.

What does this mean for you?

Well, It, for one, means that you are not losing your mind usually which is good news!

Something else that is true of women that are recovering from sexual abuse, is that when you are beginning recovery or at a point when you are dealing with difficult stuff, your body tenses up to physically “protect” you in a way.

If you decide to get a body massage at that time, don’t be surprised if you end up sobbing on the table. The reason for that is by loosening up your muscles, you are, in a sense, weakening your defenses.

Sometimes women intentionally go to get a massage when they are working on a particularly painful issue in therapy and holding “stuff” inside that needed to come out. This strategy can be very effective in opening up your emotions by opening up your physical muscles and relaxing your body.

Many women use this as a type of therapy for themselves now…or as an adjunct to their therapy. It is certainly something to consider and it is good for you and your body.

I hope this helps to alleviate some of your anxiety about your pain, if you have it, and to understand it’s source.

If you have chronic pelvic pain with no known cause, and you don’t know if you were sexually abused, it might be something to consider. I would first rule out all medical possibilities before jumping to any conclusions. After that, I would find a therapist and try to explore some memories or hypnosis to see just what is inside.

I do believe that the further you get in therapy, the better the physical symptoms can become.

You can still have pain, though not nearly as often. I must say though, you can have a family history of them etc. So you have to also take that into consideration with your physical symptoms and get them thoroughly checked out medically!

I hope that this article, though general, has answered some questions for you and has been helpful. If you would like to know more on the subject, please visit for more information on sexual abuse recovery for women.

Have Fun With Adult Dating Services

When it comes to the dating game, a number of things should be considered as adult dating isn’t the simplest thing in the world; for example, the title itself doesn’t mean have fun while dating adults, but it represents the erotic aspect of the dating game. Still, the important part of the game is to have fun by allowing your naughty side to come out and play; women looking for fun may wear tight clothing or low cut tops to reveal a bit of cleavage and show men what they are missing. A more exposed area of the body would be the neck region, which is highly sensitive and the right kiss can give women sensations that leave them wanting more. However, adult dating isn’t purely about the need for sexual satisfaction but exploring other people’s bodies, fantasies and different types of pleasure.

When you’re in a club or bar on the weekend, you enjoy your time out with friends, colleagues etc; in the same way, you can become the perfect date by relaxing and enjoying what you are doing, rather than focusing on why you are here; good dancers and cooks love cooking and dancing, this is why they are good at their professions. A more simple explanation of this would be that when you love and enjoying doing what you do, you tend to spend more time and effect doing it to get the best results possible. Look at the way gamers play video games, they spend endless hours in front of the t.v trying to get a higher score because they know the results will be rewarding; similarly, adult dating should be enjoyed and seen as a fun encounter- who knows what it could lead to. You may even end up meeting your life partner!

Although a lot of you date to meet your prospective life partners, date because it’s fun, not because you have to. If it is not fun, then would you bother doing it?! No right? If you don’t enjoying dating then don’t just sit through another gruesome date, change it by doing something different. For those of you, who want to cut to the chase and forget the wining and dining part, try erotic adult dating, which is exactly what it says on the tin-EROTIC. It’s a form of dating that doesn’t require dating; a bedroom, sexy lingerie and explicit fantasies will do.

Just a few last points for you to consider- when you date because you enjoy it you allow others to feel good about themselves, also giving you a more than likely chance of a second or third date. When you represent yourself as a fun and happy person, other people will love to bag a date you and before you know it, you’ll be the most popular person in town. If this article sounds too good to be true, than go ahead and try enjoying your next date, you’ll come back thanking the author.

Sexually Abused Children – There IS Hope!

PART 1: Warning – This article may be inappropriate for younger readers. Please seek the permission of a parent or guardian before reading further.

Lately, I’m hearing a lot about suicide or suicide attempts. It’s becoming increasingly clear to me, however, that what I’m hearing about even more often is childhood sexual abuse.

It’s everywhere.

Some might say this epidemic of childhood sexual abuse is another “sign of the Apocalypse.” After all, the Scriptures declare: “…in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away,” (2 Timothy 3:1-5). Hmmm…lovers of selves…disobedient to parents…without natural affection…lovers of pleasure…they may even have a form of godliness. Wow. Certainly, with Satan’s track record for hating and murdering children throughout history, it’s a pretty good guess that he could have his hand in this current epidemic, too.

Epidemic? Perhaps. Based on reported cases, US Justice Department statistics reveal that one in every four girls and one in every six boys (2.78 million guys) will be sexually abused before the age of eighteen.


The media is filled with stories about childhood sexual abuse involving everyone from ministers to siblings. Just this morning, a headline screamed that an Abilene minister was sentenced for sexually abusing a foster child. Though most Christians will likely find quite appalling the stories and statistics I’ve recently been pouring over, one thing we cannot forget – one thing that we absolutely MUST bear in mind – is that Jesus died for sex offenders, too.

I know. I know. I cringed as I was reminded of that fact. I recall a man angrily declaring, “I hope there’s an exceedingly hot place in Hell for child abusers!” Even within our prisons, child sex offenders are looked upon as being the worst of the worst. But let’s remember, in most cases, child abusers were once sexually molested, precious little children, too.

The cycle must be broken.

I firmly believe that there are some God-fearing Christians reading this right now who are struggling with personally sexually abusing children and that he – or she (about 60% of male survivors report at least one of their perpetrators was/is female) – needs to know that God loves them with an everlasting love and NOTHING can separate them from that love.
Jesus is the way out. Friends, you CAN get help. Your life is a struggle and you’ve known all along that something just wasn’t “right” in your life. Let’s deal with it. NOW! There’s a reason why every one of us is the way we are. We are receptacles but yours is NOT an insurmountable problem. In the same way your problem has gotten gradually worse, it really CAN get better.

In addition, I am certain that there are scores of readers who were victims of childhood sexual abuse. You need to know that there is no shame. You are not guilty. You are not “damaged goods” and God desires to empower you and use the story of your life to encourage many, many others who have believed the devil’s lies. There is an army just like you – an army looking for leadership – who needs to know the way out. Jesus is the WAY, working through you. Lead them out, back onto the battlefield where you can all make a difference as wounded, yet overcoming, soldiers. The planet is covered with people like you who need help. Go on and break the cycle. Yes, YOU!

To those who are neither sex offenders (who may even disdain those who commit these acts), or victims of childhood sexual abuse (who cannot relate to the emotional suffering they are experiencing that is impacting virtually every other aspect of their lives), I ask that you read this article, gather the facts, and ask that God would break your heart for both the abusers and the abused. This issue DOES involve you.

According to Ephesians Chapter 6 in the Holy Bible, our battle is NEVER against people, but against demonic forces at work in people’s lives. We must see those who hurt people as hurting people. Let us perceive them as we would a child playing on a playground, oblivious to the rabid dog approaching. Do we get angry at the child or run to their defense with prayer, encouragement and counsel?


Here’s what one survivor of childhood sexual abuse had to say about her journey toward victory after being abused by a minister in her church: …abuse touched every aspect of my life – emotional, physical, relational and spiritual. I lived with a victim mentality for over thirty years until I learned to be a survivor.

I was angry with everyone, and afraid to trust anyone. Shame and guilt became my constant companions, convincing me that I somehow encouraged the abusers’ advances. I built protective barriers to avoid loving and being loved.

It seemed as though my body defied me by bringing unsolicited sexual advances, thus becoming my own worst enemy. I took revenge against my body, forcing it to make restitution for its disloyalty as I smoked, drank, and over-ate my way to false comfort.

Because adults betrayed and humiliated me, I became rebellious, refusing to submit to authority. I kept intimate relationships at bay for fear someone I cared about would learn my secret.

Because some of my abusers were “upstanding” members in the church clergy, I couldn’t trust a God who seemed indifferent to my suffering and who allowed adults to abuse me. I was afraid of that kind of love, so I rejected God and the counsel of the church.

I suffered silently for more than thirty years before it became imperative that I face the issues of sexual abuse in my life. I couldn’t carry the burden and pain alone. I had to face the past, deal with the hurts and learn to live in the present. The “protective tools” I selected as a twelve-year old abused child – anger, bitterness and refusal to forgive – caused me more pain rather than relief, since I longed for love, acceptance and affirmation.

I didn’t want to forgive, however, because forgiving my abusers seemed to reduce the significance of the crime and their need for punishment…I felt warranted in my desire for justice… I did nothing to cause the abuse – it wasn’t my fault. However, I was responsible for my refusal to forgive and my willingness to hate and harm rather than to love using healthy boundaries. I was wrong for judging all people as evil because of the crimes of a few. Refusing to forgive, to accept and receive love and to constructively deal with my anger and fear was hurting me, not my abusers. I had to stop running from my longings for loving relationships.

This realization sent me into a fierce battle – a matter of life and death. I felt I was teetering on the ledge of sanity versus insanity by the tips of my fingers, my body dangling above the abyss of despair. I was afraid of change, but even more afraid of the pain I carried. But I didn’t try to hide from the truth this time.

I understood the abuse was so invasive it would be a lifelong recovery process. Just the thought of letting go of the anger and the grief was hard to bear so I prayed…Eventually, God eliminated the pain from my past, but I’m yet learning to deal with the present, which is strongly influenced by my past.


Here’s one appropriate definition: “Any sexual activity initiated by a peer or adult without consent is abuse, including physical, visual or verbal stimuli.” As a rule of thumb, it’s when a person invades the physical or psychological realm of a child or touches them sexually. This invasion results in the child suffering physical and/or psychological damage.

I talked with the father of three young daughters who, after viewing a pornographic video while his girls were sleeping, hit ‘rewind’ and went to bed. He was horrified the next morning as he walked in on his innocent little girls, still in their pajamas, huddled around the TV, eating Lucky Charms, watching daddy’s erotic film. Twenty years later, the girls have had multitudes of unnecessary personal, sexual and relational burdens to bear, including teen pregnancy and other psychological issues. Granted, they may have wound up that way anyway, but as I relay that story to you, I cannot help but wonder if we, as a society, aren’t just as guilty of the sexual abuse of our nation’s children as we expose them to all sorts of off-color, even blatantly sexual examples from the immodest fashions of pop-singers to adult sit-coms and sexual content in films and printed subject matter. Children should not have to try and process the garbage we feed them by way of the media. We adults are having a hard enough time processing all the junk we’re exposed to.

Many people don’t realize that they have, in actuality – by definition – been sexually abused. See, the term ‘sexual abuse’ encompasses a wide variety of inappropriate actions from so-called “victimless” crimes like voyeurism and indecent exposure, to child molestation, incest and rape. Voyeurism and indecent exposure are often “gateway crimes” that can start an offender down the path to more serious action.

Here’s a myth-buster: Contrary to popular belief, the perpetrators of sex offenses are NOT acting out of sexual desires; their primary motive is simply POWER. Child abusers may become so demonically oppressed that they give way to a stronghold and begin to seek domination – CONTROL – over others who are easy prey. When one abusive act fails to satisfy, they find themselves wanting more. The acts can often become so dangerous that nothing short of taking a human life will stop the urge. To sex offenders, victims are not seen as being real people, but as OBJECTS to be dominated.


How pervasive is sexual abuse of children? It’s estimated that there are 60 million child rape survivors in the USA today. Children with disabilities are 4 to 10 times more vulnerable to sexual abuse than their non-disabled peers (Source: National Resource Center on Child Sexual Abuse, 1992). Long term effects of child abuse include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships. (Source: Browne & Finkelhor, 1986).

Adolescents with a history of sexual abuse are significantly more likely than their counterparts to engage in sexual behavior that puts them at risk for HIV infection, according to Dr. Larry K. Brown, Rhode Island Hospital. According to Dr. Brown, “These results suggest two things. Abused kids need adequate counseling around abuse issues. A lot of these kids keep re-experiencing the anxiety and trauma for years.” The second issue, he said, is that “most therapy does not address current sexual behavior” and the anxieties that sexually abused adolescents experience. (Source: Larry K. Brown, M.D., et al, American Journal of Psychiatry 2000).

Did you know that, among both adolescent girls and boys, a history of sexual or physical abuse appears to increase the risk of eating disorders? Abused girls were more dissatisfied with their weight and more likely to diet and purge their food by vomiting or using laxatives and diuretics. These girls were also more likely to restrict their eating when they were bored or emotionally upset. This finding suggests that abused girls might experience higher levels of emotional distress, possibly linked to their abuse, and have trouble coping. Food restriction and perhaps other eating disorder behaviors may (reflect) efforts to cope with such experiences. (Source: Stephen A. Wonderlich, M.D., et al, University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences in Fargo, Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 2000).

Watching Adult Sex Videos Together – Movies Make Magic

Although they still have a stigma for many people, watching adult sex videos with your spouse can be a really great way to improve your marriage sex. Available in as many different varieties as there are types of people in the world, you can watch everything from very basic, “soft porn” as it is called to more graphic and experimental types of adult films. Sensual and erotic imagery is both visually and mentally arousing and may even plant an idea or two in your minds for what you would like to try with one another. Rather than being something that only single men watch in the dark, by themselves, while they masturbate, adult films are actually a really effective type of foreplay for many married couples.

Many couples may secretly want to watch an adult film together, but are hesitant because they are afraid to suggest it to their mate. For some women, there is a fear that their husband will find the women on film more attractive than they find them. For some men, there is concern that their wives may be turned off or find fault with their arousal. The reality is that watching adult films together can be a real bonding experience. It may take several tries to find a particular genre of adult film that works for you both, but in most cases, just the simple act of being “naughty” and watching other people getting physical is enough to start something fun for the married couple watching.

If you and your spouse have decided to watch an adult sex video together, then you should discuss what kinds of films are “OK” and which ones are “off limits”. For instance, your spouse may be uncomfortable watching a film that depicts more than one partner at a time. The object of watching an adult sex video together is to get one another turned on, not turned off, so be sensitive to one another’s preferences. One of the benefits of watching a sex video together is that you may get ideas for positions to try out. Also, having the noise in the background may also help lower your spouse’s inhibitions when it comes to expressing their pleasure vocally.

If you are looking for an easy way to improve your marriage sex life, watching adult sex videos together is a great way to start. Sit back, relax, pop in a video and let nature take its course. You may find that you are having the hottest sex of your marriage, in no time flat!

Science Supports the Need for Casual Sex Flirting

Casual sex movies make it all seem so easy. Two people meet up at a bar, share a quick drink, and then are seen passionately bouncing off hallway walls as they try to get each other’s clothes off. But is it really all so simple? And if it is, then why aren’t all bar room hallways bursting at the seams with horny hookups? The answer is…they’re not and the science behind attraction and a woman’s desire for casual sex gives a little insight into why.

In several studies, the original one conducted in 1989 and a follow-up one conducted more recently, both men and women were asked if they would have casual sex with a platonic friend – a friends with benefits arrangement – or if they would have casual sex with a complete stranger. In both studies it showed that men were more likely to agree to a quickie than their female counterpart. So if you are a man and want to get a more favorable response to the question, “Will you go to bed with me?” there are few basic things that you need to understand about the women who are most likely to say yes.

Whether you meet a potential partner through an adult online dating site, through a friend, or in a pub, the basics of getting that person to agree to a one night stand or no strings attached relationship include a little flirting. Yes, even with casual sex you need a little flirting.

Science has suggested two theories explaining what women look for. The first theory reaches back to our caveman roots and the evolutionary reasons for having sex – survival of the species. In this explanation the woman needs to be choosy about their hook up mate since they expect them to stick around to help change diapers and buy formula. They want a man they can depend on.

The second theory is one that we can better get our minds around when talking about casual sex and that is the Pleasure Theory. We are all hardwired to pursue pleasure. This is the type of wiring that you guys need to stand up and take notice of. Yes, woman will be more likely to say yes to a casual relationship when they perceive that they are going to get a little pleasure from it…or more likely, a lot of pleasure. Women want to orgasm and they will be more willing to give it a shot with a guy (or girl) that is likely to provide it.

So let’s put the two theories together and create a better mousetrap. Guys, if you want casual sex then you need to convince a woman that they can depend on you to give them an orgasm!

How is this done? Well, to discover that you may just want to follow me and get some advice on some good old fashioned flirting and seduction. That is something that never goes out of style no matter if it’s casual sex or true love sex that you are after.

How to Heal From the Wounds of Sexual Abuse

As discussed in an earlier article, most of us need the help of a trained therapist when dealing with traumatic life events, and sexual abuse definitely comes into this category. Sexual abuse, particularly of children, is a violent attack on the self, and unfortunately abusers are general skilled at controlling their victims.

This article is designed to help the victims; perpetrators of sexual abuse also need help but that is not the focus of this article.

The first step is to reach the understanding of how the abuse occurred in the first place. This involves understanding how you were vulnerable to the abuser. This will be discussed in this article.

The second stage for most victims is to forgive themselves and to recognise that they were the innocent party, their abuser the guilty one. Part of this stage involves seeing the perpetrator in a different light. This can take some time.

The third stage in healing from abuse, (to be elaborated later), is to feel confident to discuss what occurred with friends and family, aware that some people may take a considerable time to understand. Some victims decide to confront their abuser and even report the abuse to the police.

If you are setting out to heal yourself, the first step is to reflect on the first occasion when the abuse occurred. Do you remember what your abuser said to you, and how you responded? Most victims of sexual abuse believe they played a willing part in the abuse and can convince themselves they were responsible. This may be because they were looking for love, acceptance or approval and these may have been missing in the home. Most abusers know how to persuade their victim that this is a shared and mutual experience: “This is our secret”. Your abuser does not need to be a lot older; many teenage males, possibly unsure of their own sexuality, may seek to abuse females they know.

Everyone I have worked with in counselling who has suffered sexual abuse feels a degree of shame. Shame is a very destructive emotion which can make you believe you are a bad person. If you feel shame, you are not alone. Once you have accepted that you were an innocent victim, the shameful feelings will lessen. A good therapist will help you to address shameful feelings. There are also some very good books written on the subject. Keeping a shame journal, in which you explore how you came to feel ashamed and noticing the feelings of shame, will keep you focussed.

As you address shameful feelings, you will begin to like yourself more. You can help yourself by positive affirmations: ‘I was innocent’, ‘I did nothing wrong’, ‘I am a good person’. This can seem strange at first, but over time you will notice that you feel different about yourself.

Once you have started to see yourself as the innocent party, the situation will become clearer and you will be on the path to real healing. Remember that this is a tough journey – you already know that, or you would have dealt with it before now. Remember too, that it is well worth doing; you will feel much better about yourself and your life.

Erotic Adult Lingerie For Women

Often women are so immersed in their outward appearance that they start neglecting what is within. This is the case with many of us women, who are interested in beautifying themselves from the very core, always pay special attention to their choice of under garments. Adult lingerie always had a great role to play in women’s lives.

Adult lingerie comes in a wide variety of sizes and shape. So whether you are a skinny sexy lass or a plus size with alluring curves you can easily choose your adult lingerie from this wide range of sizes. They also offer you to choose from a variety of designs and cuts.

Whereas some stick to your body like a wet swim suit, some may drape around your curves smoothly like a piece of cloth. Some of them are designed especially for special dresses to be worn by you in different occasions. For example you should wear a strapless bra with an off shoulder dress and similarly. Women of today know very well how important it is to match the under wear with your dress.

It is not just the color but also the design and cut of the dress that determine the kind of under wear that should be worn with it in order to look hot and sexy. The wrong underwear can ruin your effort of dressing up completely! So make sure you pick the right adult lingerie when you wear something out of the ordinary.

However, then you wear adult lingerie, you should be able to carry it out with perfect ease and confidence. If you are shy and uncomfortable wearing it, the lingerie alone can not make you the hot babe. But if you have the figure and are proud of it, wearing adult lingerie will only enhance the eroticism within you and nothing in this world can stop your partner from getting excited.

In fact, adult lingerie is one of the most effective tools to arouse excitement in your partner if things have just got stagnated for sometime. Kinky underwear and sexy bras can make him drool and bring back the passion that he had when he met you for the first time.

They can easily spice up your life in a unique way! So if you are one of those people, who still wear the old fashioned, ordinary, trashy undergarments all the time but are really eager to try out something new and exciting, then it is time for you to switch over to adult lingerie. They will not just change the way you look but also the ay you feel at present. They will rekindle the flame of eroticism in your life and help you to reinvent yourself in a very special way!

Online Dating – The 5 Biggest Mistakes People Are Making And Striking Out

Gentlemen, STOP your engines! Take a deep breath and think about it for a second! What was the first thing you learned back in high school. You know, when girls first started looking good to you. When they stopped being ICCKKY! Play it cool. Don’t seem desperate, and in a way make her wonder: Is he interested in me? Which brings us to our number 1 mistake.

1- Whatever you do, don’t come off desperate. 9 out of the 10 emails I get have these dreaded phrases in them “Please” “I’d give anything to….” “Oh my god I can’t believe” “What will it take” Any guy that seems desperate makes a gal wonder. “Hmm.. Why is this lad having such a hard time meeting women? The famous ” I wonder what’s wrong with him” There must be something wrong with him. Oh well, on to the next guy. DON’T COME OFF DESPERATE!! It’s a huge turn off!

Have you ever tried walking up to a girl in a bar, club or even on the street and pulled your pants down? Of course not. You wouldn’t be reading this. You’d be in prison doing 2-4 for indecent exposure. You know what I’m getting at! Some of you have tried this tactic and no matter how big and beautiful it may be, you struck out! Didn’t you!? The famous number 2..

2- Don’t show ‘em your dingaling prematurely. I once posted an ad in the casual encounters section of Craigslist. The things I saw!! The horror! For example “Hi beautiful, if you like what you see, email me.” “Bet you haven’t seen one this big ever in your life” or the famous “Look how excited your picture made me” Now don’t get me wrong, it’s exactly what I was searching for posting in that section. But you see, women are looking for men. We’re interested in meeting YOU not it. If all we wanted was a weewee, we’d buy one at our local adult erotic shop and avoid the headaches. It’s an encounter with someone new we’re looking for. The excitement of the unknown. Make us want it. Don’t just hand it to us on a platter. We want to work for it a little. And don’t forget the obvious fact that with everything we’ve heard on the news, the stories of women getting raped and killed, we’re a little afraid to meet the men that come off as sexual predators. So please, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL INSTRUCTED TO DO OTHERWISE!

So you’ve signed up on a random date site. You’ve put in your alias, your gender, and what you’re looking for. And now you avoid filling in the rest. Thinking that your alias “looking4mate72″ says it all and you don’t need to write anything else about yourself. Right? Did it work? No, it didn’t. Of course not. Don’t overlook number 3.

3- Tell us how interesting you are. If there’s nothing interesting about you, how can you get our interest? Make sense? Out of the 400 words you can enter in the field you chose to write “Hello, I’m looking for sex” well good for you, so is everyone else on here but at least they’re making an effort to attract the women. If you can’t think of anything interesting about yourself, chances are we won’t find anything either. These are the guys that go around saying “You know these dating sites are full of it. There’s no women, it’s all a scam. Dating sites are filled with real women dying to meet interesting dudes. There just don’t seem to be enough of them. Be interesting, and if you’re not, make something up! Make some sort of effort. With today’s technology we’ve been spoiled a little. But when it comes to meeting women, you have to spend a little time and energy. That’s the beauty. But if you can’t grasp this, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be able to download some beautiful woman on some torrent site in no time. We’re almost there. In the meantime…! keep…. you know.

Uploading your mug shot will probably not get too much attention from the sane women. You know the ones I’m talking about. No smile. The guy is starring into his webcam. You’re not sure if you’re still at the dating site or you accidentally clicked into the FBI’s most wanted list. A picture says a thousand words, make them good words.. number 4.

4- When it’s time to upload your pictures, don’t just turn on your cam and snap away. These have to be the dullest pictures I see. (I’d rather see their johnson, #2). Upload some real photos. A picture of you with your dog, you with friends, you at the beach. Something interesting! Somewhere you’ve been, something you’ve done. You, staring into your webcam, is not interesting at all. No one is going to sit there and go through 34 pictures you just took with your webcam in the dark. Creepy! You need to show us a side of you that’s going to grab our attention! Attraction is what it’s all about. NO MORE WEBCAM SHOTS!

Last but not least.. You’re going to hate this one I promise. But it’s as important or more important than the first 4… Pick a site you like, and become a member.

5- If you’re not willing to pay a few bucks a month to be a member, chances are I’m picking up the bill at the restaurant, bar, club, hotel or motel. The truth is, women rarely browse profiles of the free members that logged in once or twice. We like a little stability. We want to meet someone who’s been verified by the site. Avoids us a lot of trouble. What you’re telling women is; You’re not cheap, You’re a verified user, It’s safe to come in contact with you, you’re serious about meeting someone and again YOU’RE NOT CHEAP! If you can’t afford the membership, how are you going to meet up with me? Where will we be going? You can continue posting on those free classifieds “Anyone want me to pick her up with my car and go at it?” all you want, but you’ll be spending lots of lonely nights. And if it does work, I don’t want to see the gal that responds to that ad.

In conclusion, meeting women online is not that different from meeting women offline. Always remember that these are the same women you see in your everyday life. The difference is, it’s a lot easier to break the ice. So, why are you not succeeding at making that encounter? Is it because there are no women online? Of course not. There are as many women online as there are men. Avoiding these 5 deadly mistakes will increase your chances dramatically. Take advantage of the fact that most men are making these mistakes. There are plenty of fish in the E-SEA. Just remember to use the right bait. I’m currently on 3 dating sites myself. There are lots of single girls still looking for someone interesting to hook up with. I’m one of them. So please, if you come across me, don’t whip it out in my face, unless I ask you to!

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